No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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