I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
