Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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