And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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