return my video game
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
