Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
