our cab driver is having phone sex.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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