Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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