her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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