every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
