There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
