I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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