Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
love makes seman taste better
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
