I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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