never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
