In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
