Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
