Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize