I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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