Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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