Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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