Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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