I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
