i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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