Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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