Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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