The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
