I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
