New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
