The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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