this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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