My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
