Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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