I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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