The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize