she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
