one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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