Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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