Well douche your snatch and let's go!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize