I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
