So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize