One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
