There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
