Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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