did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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