There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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