Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
