I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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