if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm getting married
To pizza
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
