I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
