I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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