Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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