this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I understand Curling. That high.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
