How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize