I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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