I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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