I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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