everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
