Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
