Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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