seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
