hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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