this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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