i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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