That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize