I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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