I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
