You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
