i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
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