Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
