When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
