I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
