Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You need Xanax blowdarts
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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