every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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