i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
