Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize